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 Author | Topic: Why does love hurt? (Read 477 times) |
shiyotso
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« Thread Started on Aug 10, 2007, 8:50pm » | |
Sorry I feel like going on and on right now, so you don't have to listen if you don't want to.
My boyfriend...NO lover, left yesterday night. He moved to Texas. I never got to say good bye are anything. I live in indiana, so we are hoping to keep trying to go out, but I have lost so much logic in these past two days. It was not his fault that I did not get to say my goodbyes, it was his mother.
Pase if you read this read the following instructions:
HELP ME OUT!!!!!
The rest of you...say what you would like to say. And sorry if I sound like a big baby, I just have been feeling really upset. Sorry once more.
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« Reply #1 on Aug 10, 2007, 9:17pm » | |
Love over distances is hard to manage, I've heard. Sorry I can't offer much advice - I'm the last person to know anything about managing relationships. ^^;
All I can say is try to keep in touch with him - if things begin drifting apart please don't be too upset because life's like that - we can't stop it. Depending on your age, if you love him enough, you could go live with him. Just depends on how you feel about him I suppose.
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shiyotso
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« Reply #2 on Aug 10, 2007, 9:22pm » | |
That does help. We plan to stay together and if that does not work...we will always be friends. I love him dearly, I just wish was old enough to live with him, but I have to wait a few years.
And it is ok. I have just been dealling with alot of over active emotions, mainly sad and over-hyper. Man I can't wait till I am finally out of High School.
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« Reply #3 on Aug 11, 2007, 4:42am » | |
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that he left you alone. All I can offer is write each other often, tell him how much you love him. But don't go over the top with your feelings. Keep your relationship going nice and easy...well I shouldn't say easy, more like steady. Keep him updated with your life and ask him how he is doing often.
I'm sorry if this is mostly crap, I've never been in a relationship other than a child hood crush, but I'm sure life will work out. Stay positive and don't get down in dumps!
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« Reply #4 on Aug 11, 2007, 1:40pm » | |
My dear Shiyotso, do not feel too bad. Perhaps this may be a test for you two. 'Tis not the end of you two if you both are truly in love.
My advise for you, is to just remember to remain calm. Also, establishing communication soon as possible would really help. Whether it be through IM or email temporarily, it does help. Eventually, conversations via phone for the time being may help greatly. If you two really love each other, things will be hard, yes, but through patients and efforts, you will both make it through. Consider it another test life throws your way. I care and understand what you are going through.
Texas is a big place, but love does in fact lesson distance and size of places. He loves you, and will make his efforts to contact you when he gets his chance too. For the meantime, we are all here to support you, we are all friends and family here, and we support each other. Any time you feel stressed or down, if it feels in any way too personal, contact any of us in a PM if comfortable enough.
I am one of those people you may talk to, I remain to the aspects of confidentiality, that means anything you tell me, stays between us. So feel free to talk to me for anything. I care for you greatly, and have best wishes for you. So please, if you need to, talk to me, or anyone else here. If there was anything I can do, I'd do it, or will do it, if there IS something I may possibly be able to do, alright?
For the meantime, just try to take a step back to take a few breaths, calm your mind down, and assure yourself that things will work out. You two will be in each others' arms once more. All you need to do, is work on that distance, keep in contact, and try to work at eventually seeing each other even for a few days if that. Just the contact in any form will be highly comforting for those in love. Because hearing or speaking to them, is the reassuring contact. But loom over the distance as an impossible feet to jump, than your hopes will go down, as your well being, it will depress you, and you'd feel defeated, thus giving up on him. So, keep your chin up, and work through it with a realist, and optomistic approach, alright?
Please take care of yourself, we are all here for you.
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shiyotso
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« Reply #5 on Aug 12, 2007, 12:29pm » | |
Thanks you guys and Sanskirt...That was good advise. My parents tell me that I am dealing with this and they are proud of me. Me and my boyfriend are now talking on cellphone. He is soon to have internet, so that will work. Both of us are now smiling again and always being silly.
And if I do need anything I will tell ya all. I thank you all , and Pase I knew you wanted to post. I understand your computer prob.
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« Reply #6 on Aug 15, 2007, 3:34am » | |
Well, some time alone and apart might actually strengthen your relationship, tacky as it may sound.
Don't fuss over him, Worrying about him when he isn't there isn't going to help anyone, especially yourself. Hang out with your other friends; hit the mall or go somewhere special and enjoy yourself.
And make sure you always keep in touch with him, give him little updates about your life, and maybe ask how he's doing. Well, duh, that was stupid of me to say. Well, as long as he cares about you and is loyal, you'll get along fine. ^^
I think I might have missed a point/the entire point XD, but whatever. I gave it a shot.
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Kaychan
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« Reply #7 on Aug 16, 2007, 11:04am » | |
I will be having a problem similar to this at the start of the next school year... Mi Amour is 5 months younger than me, which isnt that bad, but hes in the grade below me cuz his birthday was late. Anywhoo, next year ill be in college and he'll still be in high school. Im planning on going away for college because i cant stand being at my house anymore or in the same town as my parents. I mean yes ill come back and visit, but the problem is that even though i want to leave, i really want to stay because i dont want to leave him... we've talked about this (which btw, is NOT a pleasent topic right now) and he really doesnt want me to go either cuz he'll miss me too much (he told me this) but i really want to leave, although i dont want to go very far from home, but far enough away from my family. i know it sounds bad that i want to leave ,y family, but they drive me insane and i cant stand it anymore, im ready to move out, but i just cant leave him... any advice would be wonderful... cuz im not really sure what to do myself...
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shiyotso
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« Reply #8 on Aug 17, 2007, 7:39pm » | |
Sorry first thing that came to me...he should accept that you are leaving. My step-brother is in highschool but his girlfriend is now in colloge. They see each other about every two weekends. Why not try that?
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Lance
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« Reply #9 on Aug 18, 2007, 12:39pm » | |
Yeah that would be a good idea. From what you told me via PMs, I'd say he understands. Although I can understand your reasons to worry, guys can be strange indeed. But he sounds like he really loves you, so I would worry too much. Just visist and keep in contact alot.
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shiyotso
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« Reply #10 on Aug 19, 2007, 1:38pm » | |
Guys my boyfriend just joined this site...well I guess more time to talk. and ya I understand Lance
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Lance
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« Reply #11 on Aug 19, 2007, 5:49pm » | |
Thats great Shiyo, I'm happy for ya.
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raykenbaku2
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« Reply #12 on Aug 21, 2007, 1:52pm » | |
yeah, my whole moving away has put this all on a wire. but now I have a reason to come back to Indi.*like I didn't plan that in the first place*,anyway thanks for cheering her up a bit .Took me a while for me to find this site, but now that I did; we can be toghether a bit more and that's gonna make everyone happy
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shiyotso
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« Reply #13 on Aug 25, 2007, 6:05pm » | |
ya that is if you don't drive people to insanity....((you post way to much)) MWHAHAHAHA
sorry hyper
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« Reply #14 on Sept 1, 2007, 10:59pm » | |
yay!!!!! Everone's happy again. hate it when people are sad. =p
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shiyotso
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« Reply #15 on Sept 1, 2007, 11:14pm » | |
lol thanks
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« Reply #16 on Jan 2, 2008, 3:16pm » | |
Lvoe Hurts of course it does, has its ups and downs but in the end you're happy..if u get thtru it  ! anyways whats love w/o hurt  !
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shiyotso
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« Reply #17 on Mar 8, 2008, 10:33pm » | |
Hey guys me and broc broke up : ( but...it was for the best. Though my parents don't want me to even be friends with him
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« Reply #18 on Mar 8, 2008, 11:20pm » | |
I'm sorry, shiyo 
I hope you feel better.
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« Reply #19 on Apr 30, 2008, 12:20am » | |
A NEW TWIST ON THE PLOT!
My boyfriend joined the Army... I'm ok with that, yes, but this summer he's going to Basic so he'll be gone for 9 weeks (aka ALL SUMMER!) from June 18 through sometime in mid August. He'll miss out 1 year anniversary and my 18th bday... its pretty sad, but i dont really want to sound selfish or anything but no one has ever been able to rock my emotions so hard before. its like everything he says or does makes me cry or really happy (heh, like Tohru about Kyo... this is no lie either, i just thought of that just now). =\ so i really dont know how ill handle this. yes, of course id remain faithful, i mean i love him alot, but... this summer will be very lonely for me (and plus since its my last summer as a high schooler and itll be a long tme before i can see any of my friends again). but on the plus side, to keep my mind busy, ill be in a play and working my tail off, lol. so i think that will make the summer easierto bare. heeh... well still itll be pretty dang boring with out him... ill do my best though!
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Saya Kyuuketsuki
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« Reply #20 on Jul 2, 2008, 12:24am » | |
As i am 13 i havnt felt love nor am i going to give it away to the first guy who takes an interest.
I've neva gone out with anyone EVER!!
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xxShaeBijuxx
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« Reply #21 on Jul 2, 2008, 12:26am » | |
Well the question " Why does love hurt" Is being implyed to people whom have felt love, some people say they are in love but actually they aren't, ive never felt love but my breakups have hurt me so much. this 'love' you have felt was probably more rather passionate affection for your significant other. Trust me i think ive felt love but i havnt. But this passionate affection grows on you for your other. So when the time comes from which you break up it leaves an inside scar in you. This can be healed from moving on and accepting life. This is why i use the motto "Live life each second" Because once you have something ( eg bf) When you see each other do or say as much as possible Also long distance relationships cant work out as they would in short distances friendship or going out. Love can also be applied to meany different relationships such as best friends, family eg
Well ive gone on enough buhhbyee
I love you jorden lol (Bestfriendship love lol)
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Saya Kyuuketsuki
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« Reply #22 on Jul 2, 2008, 12:28am » | |
...
Shae... I had no idea you felt that way...
lol
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xxShaeBijuxx
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« Reply #23 on Jul 2, 2008, 5:50am » | |
Oh gee thanks saya -_-
Of corse i love you my butter muffin <3
jk jk hehe
you're my bestfriend i love you in that way xx
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xxShaeBijuxx
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« Reply #24 on Jul 2, 2008, 5:54am » | |
baka. . .
What would you rather me hate you?/??/?//?///??
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shiyotso
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« Reply #25 on Jul 22, 2008, 4:37pm » | |
Thanks z7 I still talk to him everso often. so i am alot happier lol
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Ravik
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« Reply #26 on Jul 24, 2008, 3:12pm » | |
I've had pleanty of time to think on this while I was gone and doing my own "self reflecting". And my own discoveries of this were rather cold. Love is not supposed to hurt at all. That's the sheer fact in life. The only thing that is hurting us, is our own selves, or letting another hurt us.
We spend too much time focusing on what we emotionally want, rather than focusing on ourselves or even day to day life. I've observed, and thought of this involving watching other people and thinking about myself. When in a situation where you think you're "in love" your entire focus becomes that other person. And you just about shut out everyone else. Those others who care become small, even when they really care. It's because you're too infatuated with some one you don't even know as well and are fooling yourselves into thinking you're willing to dedicate your life to that person. And when things turn for the worst, you feel your life is over and you're deeply hurt. Guess what; you did it to yourself. By allowing yourself to put that much focus on someone in unneccessary levels, you're bound to get hurt.
The more important thing is not you focus on having other people or relationships in your life. But what you can do for yourself, and what you can do to better your own life. Thinking of other people being in your life (relationships especially), only slows you down and makes you overly dependant on that other person. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're hurting yourself when it may not have been love in the first place. Just an infatuation you fooled yourself into believing.
Love is really about many things, like faith, trust, honesty, cooperation, and much more. You both would need to have faith and trust that you absolutely don't need each other to be happy, but to accept each other and know you want that. Clinging to the impossible is always going to hurt, but you end up only hurting yourself.
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« Reply #27 on Jul 27, 2008, 12:22am » | |
Unfortunately I have to disagree with you, Ravik-San. (Normally I just read this thread and don’t post because I am useless at giving advice but I thought I’d put my 20c in anyway.)
Love is not about pain. If you are feeling pain, suffering or any other similar emotion then what you are experiencing is not love.
In love you sacrifice, but you do so without suffering. Love, in all it’s forms, is about caring about someone else more than you care about yourself. It's about putting someone else first; in short, love is selfless.
I personally don't see how caring for yourself can make anyone happy. It doesn’t matter if you find the solution for global warming if you have no one to share the Champaign with, right? Friends and love give meaning and perspective to life. Without relationships what would we as humans live for?
I agree that love and friendship can (and usually does) slow people down and makes them weak, but that is what makes us human. Besides, we need the hope that relationships bring, even if it is a false hope at times.
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« Reply #28 on Nov 12, 2008, 2:06pm » | |
this is all so dark and dreary.... oh well. Any who me and shiyo are 'technically' back together. (but don't tell her parents this!) so we try to keep in touch. stupid me though, i keep getting the timing wrong and getting her in trouble and now am in big trouble with her parents.
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